I walked away from his room in his baggy blue soccer shorts hanging loosely from my bony hips and his t-shirt draped over the top half of my body. I took a quick glance in the mirror as I shut the door. A matt of hair lay bundled on the top of my head, a few strands tickling the nape of my neck. My mouth tasted putrid from the dead of sleep and my lips felt sore (no pun intended). I clumsily walked down the stairs, past the security guard, outside into the crisp morning, back into the building, up the elevator, into my room, and onto my bed. I climbed under the cool, unused sheets and lifted my chin to see the sunrise on the city line shining through my window. I smiled to myself. She is back....
The week after FYSOP I was the definition of alone and not too happy about it. I received multiple messages from friends shrieking of joy at their love for college when they had only been there a mere 3 days. It's a selfish concept but it's hard to feel happy for someone when you have no idea when you will find happiness next. We can fake happiness but to feel genuinely happy takes a moment that is out of our control. As Willa Cather says, "One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere, and holds fast to the days, as to fortune or fame." Indeed, I couldn't begin to predict when happiness would walk into my dorm but my mistake was in thinking that I knew how long unhappiness would stay.
On the first day of classes I searched aimlessly for an empty bench to sit and breathe. I kept my headphones in my ears and listened quietly to the story unfolding before my eyes. My happiness revolved around the teasing notion of time, speeding up at points, slowing down at others and never quite letting me live in the present. My thoughts constantly reverted back to my Queen City or forward to when I'd be on a plane awaiting Turkey and familiarity. Thankfully, a friend from home would be there soon to comfort me and drop off his sister, a rising junior at BU.
Ryan had been a friend of mine since his freshman year in high school and I couldn't wait to feel his tight embrace and hear his stories from home. I sat impatiently on a brick wall outside of my dorm until I looked up and saw him running towards me. Before I knew it his arms were around me and my legs were wrapped around him begging him to stay the year. After an hour of talking to him about my anxiety and doubts he invited me to dinner that night with his family. I agreed whole-heartedly already missing my own family from the last time I'd seen them the morning before.
That evening Ryan and his parents picked me up outside of my dorm and we drove to an italian restaurant in the North End. Dinner was filled with small talk and spaghetti and nearing the end of the meal I could feel a heavy sleep laying down on my body. I yearned to get in bed, escape the day, and try for a different tomorrow but the rest of the table had different plans. Ryan's parents insisted that he and his sister take me out to a party and visit the Boston nightlife. I rationalized that there would be plenty of parties to attend in the near future and it would probably be best for me to get sleep before matriculation the following morning. They might have well said, "hells no!" because somehow I ended up in the Hyatt Hotel with Ryan, his sister, Taylor, and her roommate making phone calls to arrange a party. Finally, when hope was almost lost, Taylor's roommate found out that her friends had met up in their apartment and invited us over. I was reluctant but seeing no other way out I pushed the wave of sleep behind me and thought of the advantages of making new friends... oh, what a friend I would make!... (I use the term "friend" loosely).
I stayed close to Ryan as we crossed the threshold into the tequila smelling domain that would haunt me for the next 24 hours. I sat cautiously in a plaid chair and turned down a drink from a burly junior in a track jacket. "No thank you," I said. Other than a few stray socks, empty bottles, and a few pieces of furniture, the room was relatively empty. In the middle of awkward small talk with burly junior boy who was questioning whether or not Ryan and I were dating we were interrupted by another drunken bystander stumbling forth into the room. His eyes rolled upward to the black headband in his hair pushing back his bangs. His red stained lips moved sloppily but no words came out. His friend crept up behind him in a slightly better state with a snaggletooth creeping from behind the smirk on his face and a newly printed tattoo on his broad shoulder. My throat gave a home to the climbing lump in my throat and I made a conscious effort to breathe, trying my hardest to balance my emotions. The shot of vodka I had taken earlier in the Hyatt had done nothing to calm my nerves. If anything I was feeling sick imagining the acidity burning a hole in my stomach and the rain of sleep crashing down upon me. I have an annoying habit of becoming overwhelmingly nauseous in uncomfortable situations and this moment was no exception. After 45 minutes I managed to slip out and Ryan rode a cab back with me.
The next day Ryan was headed home and I was once again by myself in this strange, new city. I was starting to adjust after my first official weekend. I was nervous about being in a triple and increasing the risk that I wouldn't get along with a stranger but thankfully, we all meshed well. One of my roommates knew some friends from her orientation session who lived in the dorms next to us. She was going over there later and invited us to come along; I was desperate to meet new people so I tagged along willingly. Nadia, my roommate, slightly opened the door and I fell into my future. Blake sat on the bed, tan with spiked hair, and a Harry Potter lightening bolt tattooed on his arm. Ashley sat below him with her dark hair showering over her shoulders and thick pink lips laughing at Lucas' lip-syncing. And then there sat Danny with his shaggy hair and stubble on a sharp jaw line smiling in my direction. I couldn't help but let my heart drop and sink into his stare.
Throughout the next week I would spend every night with these people in Danny and Lucas' room listening to music, learning each others personalities, and laughing hysterically at Blake's effervescent humor. Unbeknownst to me, my shy attempts at flirting were picked up by more than Danny. i discovered a week into school that Nadia, Ashley, and Lucas had been plotting unsuccessfully to get Danny and I together. I wasn't convinced that Danny liked me and thus, was not willing to admit that I liked him. I found out later that he didn't want to make a move because he thought I liked Lucas. Finally, one night Danny, Nadia, Ashley, and I walked down to the docks by the Charles River to see the Boston skyline. The view was mesmerizing; the river glistened in the nightlife and we laid down to watch the stars on our backs. Suddenly, Ashley mentioned that she was freezing and she needed to go back. Nadia agreed in turn and they both walked quickly away at a not so secret ploy to get us alone.
We sat there quietly in the first few awkward seconds that were alone, adjusting to the obvious set up that had just taken place. I started asking him about how he had lived in Italy for a year when he was younger and we quickly fell into relatively smooth conversation; that is until a drunken homeless man found his way to the docks and interrupted the setting. We walked back to the dorms together and joined everybody who was waiting in Danny and Lucas' room. Before Danny could step a foot in, Lucas grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved the door closed.
"DID HE GET A BOOB?"
No, Lucas. He did not 'get a boob'.
I walked back to my dorm and opened up my phone only to find a text message from Taylor. So Phil thinks you are cute. Thought you may wanna know :) what are you up to tonight? I had confused Taylor with my other gay FYSOP friend Taylor who was extremely sociable and thought that he had texted the wrong Katie. I replied with question marks and an understanding, "I think you have the wrong Katie!" No, he really likes you. I think you two would be great together. After a second explanation that I was the wrong Katie I got a phone call from Taylor and suddenly I understood. Phil a.k.a. burly junior boy a.k.a. person I have never talked to but once thinks I'm his type of girl? I kept insisting that it was because he believed me to be just a cute little naive freshman girl susceptible to the desires of an upperclassman. That is until she texted me the next day asking me to friend him on Facebook... he had apparently been bugging her all day. I checked my Facebook later and found a invitation for coffee. I was more than turned off by his proposal; I thought him a bit creepy being so deliberate about his feelings when the only words we had exchanged were, "Would you like a drink?" "No, thank you." ... I called for an emergency lunch with Taylor so I could explain my feelings. She ended up apologizing for him being so hasty and we agreed to tell him that I was interested in someone else.
The next night we made an unsuccessful attempt to find a party and ended up back the dorms with pizza lying on the ground. Half of our friends went on a search for bubble tea down the street at a cafe so it ended up being Ashley and Lucas (who had gotten together in the first week) and Danny and I lying side by side. No one spoke as the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack played softly in the background and Danny massaged my hand, letting his fingers press hard against mine then tickling the ends with his forefinger creating an unbearable tension. The boys decided to relocate as my other roommate was ready to go to sleep. I stretched my hand to turn off the music and looked back at Danny. "Do you wanna come back," he said. I gave him a slight smile and he insisted on waiting in the hall to walk me over while I changed into my pajamas. "Let's go," I said.
So, it's been exactly a month today that I first arrived in Boston. It's still taking some getting used to (i.e. two people have already gotten run over by a car, I heard someone say 'you guys' today in a nasty ass Boston accent, and I'm already wearing my Ugg boots in late September). But I'm a city girl now. Despite the culture shock, I have stumbled on happiness and I'm holding tight.
P.S. I apologize if the writing seemed a bit hasty... I've got to get better at writing on time...
