"you're a dork" ...oh god.

Here it comes, the holiday that conjures up both anticipation and disgust, excites the coupled, summons worn feelings for past lovers, and mocks the lonely. Valentines Day. I feel like the typical standpoint for a single gal is to dismiss this coming Thursday as an event with zero value. However, no matter what my relationship status [and I can say this with confidence because I am single now] I've always loved this holiday. I blame my acute sense of romanticism. I love to love. One of my teachers, being the bitter and cynical woman she is, believes Valentines Day is pointless; no one should need a holiday to express their affection and love for another. But in all honesty, she'd probably feel differently if she got a little lovin', even if only for a night. Gustave Flaubert asked, "do you prefer to love or be loved?" Despite the various moments of excruciating heartache one can suffer from this feeling, I prefer to love. If someone loves you, you're the same person but if you love someone, it completely transforms you. Each spare moment is captured by the thought of them and you're stomach is occupied by butterflies with every decreasing inch between your hands. And I sometimes wonder who feels more, those that have pure love or those that find themselves tangled in an unrequited romance.

So this brings me to my own knot of emotions. I've recently found myself very much in like with the barista that works at the nearby coffee shop. He's three years older than me, very shy, and 100% sexy; that's all you need to know. And unfortunately, I might have made the slight mistake of interpreting his slight affection as a joke...

Coffee guy: Would you like to go out with me sometime?

Me: **nervous giggle** You're a dork...

Coffee guy: That's no way to treat someone that's trying to ask you out!

Me: **nervous giggle #2**

It's true that I am confident and flirty at certain moments but when it becomes real I crumble like a cookie. He hit me from behind without any fair warning and needless to say, the majority of my vocabulary was lost...o, except, "you're a dork." [!slqer!jfsdfl*kj3] I really need to work on better defense mechanisms. Although, I wouldn't have defended myself at all if I didn't think he was joking; all I wanted to do was save myself from an awkward minute of embarrassment if I had said yes and he was kidding. So in summary since, he asked me out again through text, the kid is shy beyond comparison, and I finally said yes. Here's the catch...that was two weeks ago (!!) and now I'm left pining for a guy that is standing just within reach but won't take a step forward. He flirts like no other but when it comes to getting the courage to carry through it's like memorizing Pi. I've tried, trust me, but all I can think of now is to hope that the obvious sentiment of Valentines Day has an impact on his actions. 

So for whatever reason, I hope everyone is looking forward to this holiday. Girls like gifts and if you can find a guy who's gonna cough up roses and heart shaped boxes of candy on a regular basis then fine, you're excused, but otherwise, enjoy Valentines Day! If that means watching sad movies and drowning in tears then so be it. St. Valentine never specified what kind of love to celebrate and if I've learned anything from my short track of life it's that there are many ways to love.