How can we be so sure that everything is right with a person, that the euphoria isn't just a high, if after all the ear-numbing screams and waterworks beckoning the onset of a breakup, we are clued in to how everything was just so utterly wrong. More than ever, we are hit with the realization that love has stabbed out our eyes with little to no chance of resurrection, no patch to heal our open sockets.
I want to feel the kiss of life on the bottom of my feet when walking on tip-toe. I want to taste the sun on my skin without feeling the burn of my mistake. I want to drown all the validation that I can't find to bring to the surface. I want to run on an endless sidewalk with no speed limit of happiness, no roundabouts making me step in the same place twice. I want to grip anger by it's throat and make it vomit all of my suffering. I want back the whispers only I can hear. I want the quick glances that clutch my breaths with their near to palpable coolness. I want steaming tea that never cools and the paradoxical love of a strong arm acting as my soft pillow. I want a hand reaching to curl the hair behind my ear and a palm to cradle my cheek. I want the chase found in the rainbow of a stoplight at every corner. I want to guess your thoughts and let you know by my smile. I want to know after all is said and done that it was worth not feeling like this in every moment. But most of all I want to stare down my cake with all the yearning left in my eyes and taste its sweet comfort at the same time, without this sinking of my stomach and the violent regret of butterflies begging for a drip of water.
love is beyond blind.
Unfortunately, we only realize this after we find out that this so called line is a square, that this strong arm has wilted, that the taste of the sun is sour and the brush of life sharp, that anger can fight back and those whispers can be heard from across the room. And even after my tea has cooled I can still feel its burn on my tongue. By the time our eyes find some insight they have been bled through from memories and cataracts has clouded all perception.
It's hard not to question love when you felt like it was everything at one point, and if it was then what is there to do when everything is gone? If we're still standing at the end of the day then maybe it wasn't that strong to begin with.
Maybe... but I don't think so.
I don't think I could have let something that powerful slip from sight.
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