The Purgatory of Emotions

The tension in the strings paralleled my anticipation and I could hear the vibrations echoing the nervousness I felt inside. It's that feeling you get when it seems like your heart is being suppressed by a glass case and it's pushing against the sides in order to shatter its boundaries; to feel just an ounce of something more deeply. And then suddenly, with your breath at a halt, the notes plateau and the listener is left with a completely different tone. The cellos imitate our heart's disappointment and the violins sing to shadow our willingness to step back into that limitless space where we can dream.

I was talking to one of my friends yesterday and he said,

"and thus all things that have been shall pass away 

and all things that might have been, ah...they shall stay."

- Thomas Parke D'Invilliers Jr.

I like this because it pretty much sums up everything in our lives. Everything we hope for is perpetually existing in this glass bubble until we find a way to break it open, until we give it a chance to seep out. But is it better to let things pass or hold them forever in our hearts. Not to blatantly take this on a romantic streak but that's exactly what I'm about to do. When relationships fail is it okay to let the image of that relationship linger or do we immediately have to pop our bubbles? It comes to down to which would you rather face? The regret of anticipation or the anticipation of regret. When you're faced with a difficult decision does it hurt more to know that you can't stop yourself from anticipating failure or is it the hurt that comes after these failures when we wish we didn't anticipate it at all? I feel like there's a moment when something ends that everyone is hopeful; that maybe, just maybe, whatever was lost will make its way back into our lives somehow. However, I've learned that more often than not, if what is lost ever comes back it usually doesn't last; but this is much easier said than done. When we are stuck in the purgatory of our emotions, pulled back and forth from giving in to letting go, what is the deciding factor? I guess I would tell Thomas Parke D'Invilliers Jr. that anticipation is bittersweet; there is a cruelness that acts like a dangling string just out of reach but there's also the faint, yet overriding, desire that keeps us going and without this we wouldn't have a bubble to pop to in the first place.