I feel like I'm back where I was one year ago. And all I'm left with is the hope that my life isn't simply a circle; a road that leads me struggling to an end point that is merely the beginning. I'd like to think that I'm figuring my way through a maze; maybe I'll turn down the same corners from time to time, make the same mistakes, but I'll know that it will eventually lead me where I should go, the end of this puzzle. 1:52AM. That last grassy path that allows me to cross the threshold into a completely new world. I have no idea what that world will be but I'd like to think it's something that mirrors my achievements in life; the number of smart turns I've taken, the significant moments that have guided me out.
Every time I think something is going to start, whether it be a relationship or a fitting piece to my puzzle, it falls short. I can never arrive anywhere but rather find myself chasing this invisible tail that has become a part of me. 1:58AM. But I guess that's the point...I can't find the right pieces to fit my own puzzle when I don't yet know what those pieces should be. Time is the only thing that will tell. But the time is what's killing me. I try to be patient but how can someone be patient when, as far as they know, they are waiting for nothing. I'm on an endless loop where things are moving too fast for me to get off but slow enough that I can still see glimpses of everyone around me taking a left, a right, moving forward in one way or another.
And then again... it's when we are in these ruts that make getting out of them so nice. Until then, I'll have to watch the clock. 2:04AM
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